Why Do Men Die First

Why men die first is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but now we know:
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist; if you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there's never any time for her; if you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation; if you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism; if she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment; if you keep quiet it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp; if you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist; if she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination; if she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert; if you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist; if you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain; if you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something; if you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself; if you aren't you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired; if you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

Men die first because they want to.